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Funny Bone: Do you want rats? Because this is how you get rats.



So remember the “I’m back” and a pithy title making fun of my ability to get sick all the time and never have any energy? Wasn’t that funny?


A couple of days ago I got a phone call from my doctor’s office wanting a follow-up on some blood work. But…I had already done the follow up on blood work. In which we determined I had way too much progesterone, remember?

“…different blood work?” the beleaguered medical admin guessed.

“Okay,” I said, and promised to come in the next day. I figured my doctor was maybe having a senior moment? Even though she’s not senior? But I should humor her because she was the one who figured out that I had too much progesterone and I was feeling much better.

Turns out there was more blood work, tests that had to be sent away to…Siberia, possibly?…and hadn’t made the long trip back by the last appointment. Turns out that I have auto antibodies in my blood, which indicate an autoimmune disease. Probably lupus, but from what I can tell autoimmune diseases are like one big bad Venn diagram of labels and symptoms, and you might be in 3 of them or you might be in the middle in limbo, and it will probably change by Thursday, so a rheumatologist just picks one at random (I assume. Possibly there’s more science involved than that). It doesn’t really matter what your ultimate label is, if you have an autoimmune disease it basically amounts to: Your body is trying to kill you.

Maybe not today! But probably tomorrow. And possibly Wednesday. And then maybe it will take a little rest, or even a long rest, and contemplate the next time it tries to kill you. Maybe the kidneys? The brain? Nah. LET’S GIVE HER DRY EYES. SHE’LL FUCKING HATE THAT.

When my doctor told me and made the referral to the rheumatologist, I took the day off and went home and laid on the couch and cried a bit. To be fair, I was probably going to do that anyway because I had an infected tonsil and I was in a lot of pain and kept thinking I was going to choke to death reeeeaaalllly slowly, but the autoimmune thing really didn’t help.

I sort of feel like I’ve been handed the world’s worst decoder ring. I hold it over my medical records and it says things like “you had premature ovarian failure because AUTOIMMUNE” and “you have Hashimoto’s because APPARENTLY YOU COLLECT AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES” and “you get infections from every little thing because AUTOIMMUNE” and “you get weird green numb fingers when you’re cold because AUTOIMMUNE”. And you’re like, ohhhhhhh of course! This all makes so much sense! Let’s hover the decoder ring over the part that gives you answers about how to fix it! And you get

That’s all we know.


I’m still processing this, clearly.

In the meantime I’m going to be naming all of my posts with random quotes from whatever I’m watching right now because if I’m going to have psychic, predictive post titles they might as well be interesting.

So this week next time? Rodent infestation. BOOM.

(I’ll probably be a bit more selective with my random quotes once I test this theory.)

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Humor: Top 10 Facebook Jokes




Facebook isn’t only a long range interpersonal communication site any longer. It has turned into a social wonder. In any critical ways, our lives are reliant on or fragmented without Facebook. Envision being not able to offer your birthday photos with your companions over the world. Or on the other hand not having the capacity to know the most recent that is occurring in the local area.

The virtual universe of Facebook with notices, photographs, posts and jabs has more genuine to us than our whole lives That is the reason, similar to some other consuming social wonder; there are a few jokes on Facebook also. We have assembled a gathering of the most ingenious jokes about Facebook here.

Facebook Joke 1:

Facebook is like a jail. You have mugshot profile picture.

You spend all your time writing on walls. And some totally undesirable people poke you around unnecessarily.

Facebook Joke 2:

A grandmother left her farm, barn, horses, chickens, pigs and $1million cash to her granddaughter. The granddaughter was overwhelmed and said “Granny, I never knew you had so many assets.

Where are they?” The grandmother’s last word on her death-bed was ‘Facebook’.

Facebook Joke 3:

Teacher asks student, “What do you call a place where people talk to themselves, write on walls, cook imaginary food in fictional cafes, grow crops that do not exist and count make-believe money?”

Student answers, ‘Mental hospital.’

Teacher growls, ‘ No you idiot. Facebook.’

Facebook Joke 4:

If Facebook is a fridge then we keep opening it every few seconds to see if there is anything interesting in it!

Facebook Joke 5:

When do you officially become a Facebook stalker?

When you notice that someone’s Facebook profile picture changes and you are not even their friend!

Facebook Joke 6:

What is the new face of communalism?

Facebook groups! People are so freaking aggressive about it!

Facebook Joke 7:

Why do Facebook users have lower grades than non-Facebook users?

Mushroom Coffee: All You Need To Know About This New Fad Weekly Predictions For Each Zodiac Sign: 8th-14th April, 2018 Does Milk Help You To Improve Your Skin Tone? Featured Posts

This is because you do not need to use your brains to be on Facebook.

Facebook Joke 8:

The Facebook status of a girl committing suicide; ‘My Twitter account can remarry now…’

Facebook Joke 9:

What does a man tell God after he just dies?

Please let me go back. I forgot to tell my to wife to change her relationship status!

Facebook Joke 10:

Where will you find a man with too many debts? On Facebook trying to earn some cash in Mafia Wars!

Source: BoldSky

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Humor: Top 5 Funny Jokes Ever




If you love humor, this is the one for you. Here’s a collection of top 5 funniest jokes of all time!

Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: “Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”

Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
I believe i can flyyy
got shot by the pizza guyyy
all i wanted was some onion ringggss
from McDonald’s or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes. 
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No…
Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No…
Boy: Good! *walks away*
I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
“Hi, how are you?”
Me: (embarrassed) “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions! 
For more such humorous tales and jokes, subscribe to The Humor Column today!

Disclaimer: All images are sourced from the web. No copyright infringement intended.

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Top 5 Hilarious Jokes on Batman




For what reason do we like making Batman jokes? Is it because – regardless of the character being something made for kids – there’s unavoidable obscurity that exemplifies the style, as well as figured out how to spread out through whatever is left of the ordinance?

To such an extent that even the animated arrangement feels darker than consistent youngsters’ modifying? Or on the other hand is it because the idea of a developed man and his more youthful companion circling in tights offers to us in an adolescent and guileless way? Or then again perhaps it’s simply straightforward to make bat-based plays on words. Whatever the reason, we’ve assembled a rundown of our most loved jokes and plays on words in light of our most loved caped crusader. What’s more, indeed, these are the Batman jokes that you merit, and need.

What Happens When Batman Sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises

What Do You Call It When Batman Skips Church?
Christian Bale

When Is Joker Not Plotting A Murder?
When he’s riding his Harley!

What’s The Difference Between Batman & A Robber
Batman can go into a store without Robin!

Batman & Robin Go Camping In The Desert:After setting up their tent and falling asleep,  Batman wakes his faithful friend. “Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Robin replies, “ I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
“Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?”
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
“Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

Did this crack you up well? For more such rib ticklers, subscribe to The Humor Column today!

Source: The Ranker



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