What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Did you hear about the hitman who’s also a janitor at the aquarium?
He sweeps with the fishes!
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why does the elephant bring a janitor to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.
What do you call a janitorial Superhero?
Why won’t blondes hand their iPhones to the janitor before using the restroom?
Because they don’t want to give away their IP address!
How did the Custodian punish the blind students?
He stuck a plunger in the toilet.
Why did the janitor install a toilet at the garbage heap?
Everyone had to take a dump.
What does a janitor sing at work?
“Mop In The Name Of Love”
What do you call a Frenchmen working at the aquarium?
At a private high school somewhere in the Midwest, a young girl created an uproar when she made an impression on the bathroom mirror of her lips in bright red lipstick.
The principal, a bright, well-educated woman with more than 25 years of experience in public school administration, was outraged. She immediately addressed the students over the school intercom: “It has come to my attention that someone has been leaving an impression of their lips on the mirror in the second-floor girl’s bathroom with her lipstick. This behavior is considered vandalism and will not be tolerated. I hope that whoever is responsible for this will not do it again and will apologize for her inconsiderate actions. And I will warn you all that if this incident is repeated, all guilty parties will be suspended for a period of one week. I trust I won’t have to address this problem again.”
Naturally, the principal’s threat had precisely the opposite effect. Despite the teacher’s best efforts, an epidemic of lipstick imprints galloped through the girl’s bathrooms.
In desperation, the principal listened to an idea from the school janitor and allowed him to try it. The janitor gathered together about five junior and senior girls who were the unofficial leaders of their classes and led them into one of the bathrooms with a bucket and a washrag in his hands. “I wanted to show you, girls, just how difficult it is to wash this lipstick off the mirrors,” he told them. The girls rolled their eyes, folded their arms, and otherwise signaled their utter indifference. The janitor then proceeded into one of the stalls, dipped his washrag in the toilet, and swirled it around in the water. He went over to the lipstick on the mirror and wiped it off with the toilet water soaked rag. Wide-eyed horror replaced the expressions of boredom as the janitor finished wiping down the mirrors. The lipstick problem ended almost immediately.
Top 10 iPhone Jokes To Crack You Up
The most popular smartphone on the planet, yet comes with a barrage of humor from the folk on the web. Here’s a collection of top 10 iPhones jokes that are bound to make you roll on the floor, laughing!
Q: How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone X?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
Q: What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus?
A: A dead wringer.
Q: Why is the Apple still reporting record profits?
A: Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them!
Q: What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
A: iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP
Q: What do you get when you cross an iPhone 6 plus and skinny jeans?
A: A LG Flex.
Q: Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
A: They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn’t have a Flash player installed!
Q: How many Apple iPhone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Q: What do the latest iPhone applications do?
A: Whiten teeth and perform lasik eye surgery!
Q: According to Apple what is the leading cause of iPhones overheating?
A: Downloading images of Katy Perry!
For more such humorous jokes and rib ticklers, subscribe to The Humor Column today!
Disclaimer: All images are sourced from the web. No copyright infringement intended.
Humor: Top 10 Football Jokes
In spite of the fact that football serenades are incredible in a football stadium, they are not perfect to sing at home. Regardless of jokes not being as basic or appealing as serenades, they are as yet valuable in ridiculing your opponents and can be utilized as a part of regular situations. Here are our main ten football jokes you can use amid Euro 2016 wagering and past.
A considerable lot of these are based around worldwide football groups and players, yet you merely need to substitute for the sake of the group or player of the individual you’re endeavouring to twist up – you can get a lot of mileage from these works of art.
“My missus just split up with me because she thinks I’m obsessed with football.
I’m a bit gutted about it; we’d been going out for 3 seasons.”
“What’s the difference between The Invisible Man and Scotland? You’ve got more chance of seeing The Invisible Man at the World Cup Finals.”
“During the World Cup in Brazil, the England team visited an orphanage. “It was heart-breaking to see their sad little faces with no hope.” said João, age 6.”
“What’s the difference between England and a Tea Bag? The tea bag stays in the cup long.”
“I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job. I knew it was a poor squad with no future, so I declined the offer. I then put the telephone down and returned to Football Manager.”
Top 5 Jokes On Travel and Voyage
Has the travel bug bitten you yet? Let’s take a look at the top 5 jokes on travel, that’s bound to make you laugh all day!
The Blonde and The Lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. ” Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.” She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
The Father and The Lady
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: “Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?” “Of course my child, What can I do for you?” “Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?” “Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.” “You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the ‘hair remover’. The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son”,he replied. Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?” The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.” Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!”
The Couple Travellers
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
The Gar-Lic Scene
A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me. After some moments I dared to ask her: “Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife.” The lady responded: “It is Chanel and from Paris.” After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out. Some seconds later she broke and said: “Offf… what is this smell my God”? I said: “Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California.”
The Canadian Tourist
An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. “You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. “Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.” The Canadian said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.” “Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!” The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, “Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”
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Disclaimer: All images are sourced from the web. No copyright infringement intended.
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