For actors, nothing can be more terrifying than walking into that audition room. Going in front of the people who could give you your next job is nerve-racking.
Here are just a few of the terrifying (and maybe even a little hilarious) audition stories that can both tickle your bones and send a chill through them:
1. “At one of my first professional auditions (in Chicago) I kissed my reader! It was in the script and she was on her feet with me doing the scene. Needless to say, I didn’t book this one.” – Anonymous
2. “One time I went in to audition for a commercial to play a dancer and, with years of dance experience behind me, I thought I was going to nail this audition. So I got into the room and busted out my best cheerleader-type moves. Only for the casting director to actually look at me and say: ‘What the hell was that?!’ I was mortified. She then asked me if I knew how to do ballet to which I responded, ‘Yes, of course! I didn’t know that’s what you were looking for.’ But I just continued to epically fail. I don’t think I’m going to get called in by that CD again!”
3. “At an indie film audition, a director slapped me while I was reading. I think that was karma. Didn’t book it. Didn’t wanna.” – Anonymous
4. “At a final callback for a national tour, I was so nervous that when I picked up a pen to use as a prop, it immediately flew out of my hands and across the room. We never found it! DID NOT BOOK.” – Anonymous
5. “I auditioned for a student film once and the director just looked at me and said, ‘Your mother just died.’ So naturally I just ended up half-sobbing in the director’s face. It completely caught me off guard! And, of course, I didn’t book the job.”
6. “I had to leave work early and take three subways to Chinatown to get to my audition. It was really hot in the city. Way hotter than it was by my job. And when I finally got to the right building I was a sweaty mess! I then had to walk-up three flights of stairs because there was no elevator or anything! When the casting director first saw me, all he did was look at me in disgust and called me in to audition. I didn’t even have a chance to catch my breath! Then, sitting under the light and sweating made me totally forget everything I prepared. I even felt the sweat dripping down my forehead! Of course, I never heard from them. Which stinks because I really felt that I could’ve been exactly what they were looking for!”
7. “I had a voice-over audition for a promotional video and, when accepting the audition, I knew that the script contained some inappropriate content. But I didn’t think much of it, as I thought it was probably just curse words or something like that. Then when they handed me the script I noticed that the voiceover was actually for the reading of an erotica novel. That was going to be featured on a gay erotica website! I actually ended up booking the job and taking it. But looking back, I wonder if I just took the job out of desperation.”
8. “I was doing a conservatory audition and it was my first one. I did two INSANE monologues and then he saw on my resume that I dance, so he asked me to dance. I ended up trying to do ballet in jeans and I was so awkward about it. Until…HE ASKED ME TO SING. Even though I just wrote that I was an ensemble singer on my resume. So, I TRIED to spontaneously sing “I Know You, I Walked With You,” but I didn’t actually know the words. So, instead, I started singing “dondoop doopoo” and then walked out mortified. I got in though!” – Anonymous
9. “I went for an audition for a comedic web series and it turned out to be in a deserted apartment building, with a 6th floor walk-up in the guys apartment! He was the only one running auditions and you had to buzz to get in, and buzz again, then knock on the door. He kept leaving during the audition to let people in. He had two small dogs running around barking during the taping. And the audition was improv, but he talked most of it. And I didn’t get more than a few words in. Tre-bizarre!” – Anonymous
10. “On the first day of auditions, we did two days of auditions, this girl comes in and she gets up on the stage and we’re sitting in the audience watching. And there are some people that are in the holding area behind us who are going to be doing their auditions next but they can’t see what’s going on. She gets up on stage and she explains that her monologue is about a young woman who is going through a very trying time. I don’t exactly remember what that time is, but it drives her to be a cutter. And so it’s a very dramatic monologue, very emotional, and I believe she did a good job. BUT, it was hard to know for sure because at one point during the monologue, she pulled out a knife! And started cutting herself on her thigh while she spoke! She started dragging the knife back and forth across her upper thigh because she’s wearing this little mini-skirt. And blood started dripping down her leg and heading into her little boots. And I decided at that point, from here on out, if I ever did any casting ever again…which it turns out I would do six years of so far, after that experience… [Laughs] that there would be no more monologues and all actors would be frisked at the door by my Marine husband.” – Bonnie Gillespie, Casting Director
Rib Ticklers: Top Superman Jokes
As much as we adore the Man of Steel, we can’t deny that he’d make a lousy stand-up humorist.
Q: Where does Superman park his privates?
A: On Lois Lane
Q: What did Superman say when he married two Women on the same day?
A: “That’s mighty bigamy!”
Q: What did Lex Luthor say when he did the same thing, then killed the women?
A: “That’s awful bigamy!”
Q: What would you find in Superman’s bathroom?
Q: What do you get if you cross the man of steel with a hot beef broth?
Q: Why did Superman flush the toilet?
A: Because it was his duty!
Q: What is Supermans favorite part of the joke?
A: The “punch” line!
Q: What is Superman’s greatest weakness?
A: A bucking horse.
Q: What is Supermans favorite drink?
A: Fruit punch!
Q: What does Superman put in his beverages?
A: Just ice.
Superman looked at Bruce Wayne and said: “Stop acting like a bat boy, ok Batman?”
Three drunkards are standing on top of the Empire State Building. The first one says to the other two, “You know, it’s a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!” The second drunk says, “You’re crazy!” The first drunk says, “I’m serious! Watch!” The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top! The second drunk says, “Let me try!” So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT! The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, “You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you’re drunk!”
There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find an extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with an amazing ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold.
Q:Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: None, because none of these characters exist.
Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spider-man to see if wanted to grab a couple of beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see If she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said “Did you hear anything?” “NO”! said the Invisible Man, “But my ass hurts like hell!”
One day, a woman walks into a bar. Before she decides to order, a man comes flying up to her. He said “Try this magic drink!! It will make you fly!!” So the woman orders that drink, and tests it out. She jumped off the roof, and falls to her death. The bartender says to the man, “Superman, your such a jerk when your drunk.”
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Disclaimer: All images are sourced from the web. No copyright infringement intended.
Rib-Ticklers: Top 10 Funny Office Jokes
Well well, you might be staring at the screen with countless rumbling about all the work you have right now. Are we right, or are we right?
Here’s a set of 10 relatable office jokes that while tickle your funny bone while you are at it:
1. Ron walks into the boss’s cabin and says. “Sir, I’ll be damn straight with you, I know that the economy isn’t great, but I have three companies chasing after me, and I should get a raise.” After few minutes of arguing, boss finally agrees him to give a 5% raise, and Ron happily gets up to leave.
“By the way Ron”, asks the boss while Ron was about to leave, “which 3 companies are chasing after you?”
Ron: “The phone company, electric company, and the water company”
2. A frustrated junior employee dialed the number of his boss by mistake & said :
Hey you.. send a coffee in my room in 2 minutes !……….
Boss shouted angrily : Hey, Do you know whom you’re talking to ?!!
Junior : No ! Who the hell is this ?
Boss: I am the boss of this office.
Junior (without any change in aggressive tone) : …and do you know whom you are talking to?
Junior: Oh Thank God… (and disconnected the phone)….. 😀
3. Boss: “From the day I fired you from the job; you come and shit in front of my house every single day. What’s your problem ?? I will call the police”
John: “Sir, It’s just to remind you that even after your fired me from the job, I didn’t die without food”
4. Ron once calls his boss’s home and asks for his boss
His boss’s wife receives the call and says “your boss died last week”
The next day Ron again calls.
Boss’ wife receives the call and replies the same
Day after that, Ron calls again
This time Boss’s wife gets angry. “Why does u call everyday even after I told u that he died?”
Ron replies “It just feels good to hear again and again that he’s dead”
5. In an Indian government office, A notice was written on board
“Keep silence. Don’t make any noise”
Somebody wrote under it
“Otherwise employees will wake up from their sleep”
6. Q: What would you call a situation of 100 bosses buried up in sand till their necks ??
A: Lack of Sand !!
7. Once upon a time 20 CEOs of 20 Software companies were invited on an airplane and told that they were about to experience first ever completely autopilot driven flight from take off to landing.
Then each one of the CEOs was called in a private room and told that the system software for the Full-autopilot plane was made by his company. 19 out of 20 CEOs left the aircraft, making some kind of excuse.
One CEO remain seated confidently taking sip of champagne, the crew asked “Wow, you do have a lot of faith in your company”.
CEO said calmly : “No, it’s not that ! If the plane’s software is made by my company, it won’t even take off!!”
8. Q: What does a slinky and your boss have in common?
A: It’s a lot of fun to watch both tumble down the stairs.
9. How to catch a Lion ?
Programmer’s way : Try to trap a lion in a normal cage with simple bait like a goat tied inside of it. If it doesn’t come, change the structure of the cage, if it still doesn’t come, change the bait with deer. This way keep making slight moderations in only these 2 things until the lion is trapped.
Team Lead way : Ask the best hunter to catch the lion, meanwhile keep communicating the progress to the circus management ensuring the lion would be caught without making a slight contribution to the actual process.
Manager’s Way : Keep calling meetings and pushing hard the hunters to catch the lion, if they refuse, send a serious mail with so “pain in the ass” complicated vocabulary that hunter’s find best to give more time and efforts in catching the lion than replying to them. Praise the hunters with false appreciation when they catch a lion and when time comes to pay for it, say we wanted a tiger, not a lion so your performance was not that good and we can’t pay you as much as you expect.
L2 Support Team Member’s way : First read a book on “How to catch lions”. Then perform each step written in the book so slowly (with fear that you might make a mistake) that the Lion becomes so bored and frustrated that he surrenders himself and never raises a request again.
HR Manager’s way : Whenever Lion puts a foot ahead of its territory, start sending him PDFs and Links for the jungle policies and consequences of what can happen if he doesn’t follow them. Even if he follows them, keep sending him the policy update mails and Do’s and Don’ts in the jungle so that lion becomes annoyed and thinks of committing suicide a better way than making automated rules in MS outlook to get rid of them.
10. Two women talking in an office :
First Woman : “I can make my boss give me the day off .”
Second woman : “And how would you do that?”
First woman : “Just wait and see.”
She hangs herself upside down from the ceiling. The boss walks in and says, “What are you doing?”
First woman : “I’m a light bulb. I’m a light bulb.”
Boss : ” I think you’ve gone crazy, working so much. You should take the day off.”
First woman starts leaving and the second one follows her to the door.
Boss to second woman : “Where do you think you’re going ?”
Second Woman: “Are you crazy ? There’s no light bulb now, how would I work in the dark ??”
Did it crack you up? Do subscribe to The Humor Column for more jokes!
Source: Digital Alcohol
Top 30 Weird Collections of Celebrities
Celebrities have their quirks – sometimes, crazy ones! A number of famous musicians, actors, and athletes collect unusual things. Sure, some famous people like to collect rare and vintage items. However, some funny celebrity collections include weapons, and other weird celebrity collections even revolve around bugs.
Look at this list and tell us which one you consider the weirdest
- Angelina Jolie collects knives, as well as first edition books.
2.Johnny Depp has dozens and dozens of special edition Barbie dolls.
3. Nicole Kidman has an impressive coin collection that includes some rare ancient coins of Judea.
4. Brad Pitt collects metal art and metal furniture. He has even designed some pieces himself.
5. Leonardo Di Caprio has an impressive collection of vintage toys. In 2001, he auctioned off a variety of items for charity bringing in a grand total of $110,000.
6. Demi Moore has thousands of fine porcelain dolls in her collection.
7. Jay-Z has one of the most impressive accessory collections known to man. He even owns the most expensive watch in the world – Hublot’s the “Big Bang,” which Beyonce bought for him for $5 million.
8. Penélope Cruz has a thing for coat hangers, with over 500 non-metal ones in her collection.
9. Victoria Beckham owns more than 100 Birkin bags that cost anywhere from $10,000 to $150,000 each.
10. Amanda Seyfried has a growing taxidermy collection.
11. Rosie O’Donnell has a huge collection of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys.
12. Ben Stiller is a Trekkie, and as such, has a big collection of Star Trek memorabilia.
13. Kelsey Grammer has a collection of rare, first-edition books.
14. Dolly Parton collects anything related to butterflies. She even named her 1974 album Love Is Like A Butterfly.
15. Claudia Schiffer collects insects in her free time.
16. Quinton Tarantino has a collection of TV show-themed board games.
17. Blues Brother Dan Akroyd collects old police IDs.
18. Mike Tyson has a collection of tigers.
19. Janet Jackson collects little figurines of pigs.
20. Tom Hanks collects vintage typewriters.
21. Jay Leno is well known for his collection of cars.
22. Lou Ferrigno is an avid Beanie Baby collector.
23. Nicholas Cage is a big nerd. He collects comic books.
24. Reese Witherspoon’s thing is antique linen.
25. Christina Aguilera is known to collect street art and graffiti.
26. Carrie Fisher, has a collection of animal portraits.
27. Martin Scorsese has a collection of movie posters.
28. Paris Hilton hunts frogs
29. Whoopi Goldberg – has an unusual collection of Bakelite Jewelry
30. Norman Reedus collects breast implants.
Which do you think is the weirdest?
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