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Astronomy Humor: Space Jokes

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Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter contains the letter “i”.


Jupiter came down to Earth one day and helped these two criminals plan a bank robbery.

Anyway, they both got caught and after the judge sentenced the two earthlings to fifteen years behind bars, Jupiter was a bit shocked to get arrested and handed a ten-year stretch himself.

“But your honour. I didn’t even take part in the robbery!” said Jupiter.

“Yes” replied the judge. “But you did help them Planet!”


Q: How does Jupiter hold up his trousers?
A: With an asteroid belt.


Q: What type of songs do the planets sing?
A: Nep-tunes!


Q: What did Mars say to Saturn?
A: Give me a ring sometime!


The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath? However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.


One kid asks the other, “Which is closer, Florida or the Moon? the second answers: “Duh! The Moon! You can’t see Florida from here!


Q: what do you call a tick on the moon?
A: A luna-tick.


Q: How do you know when the moon is going broke?
A: When it’s down to its last quarter.


Q: What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?
A: The Moon.


Q: How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.


Q: Did you hear about the bones they found on the moon?
A: It seems like the cow didn’t make it after all. (hey diddle diddle)


Q: What do moon people do when they get married?
A: They go off on their honeyearth!


Q: Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
A: It’s a little meteor.


Q: Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?
A: Because it was full.


Q: How is the moon like a dollar?
A: It has four quarters.


Q: Why is the Moon bald?
A: He has no ‘air


I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone… then it dawned on me.


Living on Earth might be expensive but at least you get a free trip around the Sun every year.


Copernicus’ parents might deserve some of the credit for his great discovery. Apparently at the age of twelve, e they said to him: “Copernicus, young man, when are you going to realize that the world does NOT revolve around you.”


 

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Humor: Top 10 Facebook Jokes

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Facebook isn’t only a long range interpersonal communication site any longer. It has turned into a social wonder. In any critical ways, our lives are reliant on or fragmented without Facebook. Envision being not able to offer your birthday photos with your companions over the world. Or on the other hand not having the capacity to know the most recent that is occurring in the local area.

The virtual universe of Facebook with notices, photographs, posts and jabs has more genuine to us than our whole lives That is the reason, similar to some other consuming social wonder; there are a few jokes on Facebook also. We have assembled a gathering of the most ingenious jokes about Facebook here.

Facebook Joke 1:

Facebook is like a jail. You have mugshot profile picture.

You spend all your time writing on walls. And some totally undesirable people poke you around unnecessarily.

Facebook Joke 2:

A grandmother left her farm, barn, horses, chickens, pigs and $1million cash to her granddaughter. The granddaughter was overwhelmed and said “Granny, I never knew you had so many assets.

Where are they?” The grandmother’s last word on her death-bed was ‘Facebook’.

Facebook Joke 3:

Teacher asks student, “What do you call a place where people talk to themselves, write on walls, cook imaginary food in fictional cafes, grow crops that do not exist and count make-believe money?”

Student answers, ‘Mental hospital.’

Teacher growls, ‘ No you idiot. Facebook.’

Facebook Joke 4:

If Facebook is a fridge then we keep opening it every few seconds to see if there is anything interesting in it!

Facebook Joke 5:

When do you officially become a Facebook stalker?

When you notice that someone’s Facebook profile picture changes and you are not even their friend!

Facebook Joke 6:

What is the new face of communalism?

Facebook groups! People are so freaking aggressive about it!

Facebook Joke 7:

Why do Facebook users have lower grades than non-Facebook users?

Mushroom Coffee: All You Need To Know About This New Fad Weekly Predictions For Each Zodiac Sign: 8th-14th April, 2018 Does Milk Help You To Improve Your Skin Tone? Featured Posts

This is because you do not need to use your brains to be on Facebook.

Facebook Joke 8:

The Facebook status of a girl committing suicide; ‘My Twitter account can remarry now…’

Facebook Joke 9:

What does a man tell God after he just dies?

Please let me go back. I forgot to tell my to wife to change her relationship status!

Facebook Joke 10:

Where will you find a man with too many debts? On Facebook trying to earn some cash in Mafia Wars!

Source: BoldSky

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Humor: Top 5 Funny Jokes Ever

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If you love humor, this is the one for you. Here’s a collection of top 5 funniest jokes of all time!

Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: “Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”

 —
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
I believe i can flyyy
got shot by the pizza guyyy
all i wanted was some onion ringggss
from McDonald’s or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes. 
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No…
Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No…
Boy: Good! *walks away*
I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
“Hi, how are you?”
Me: (embarrassed) “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions! 
For more such humorous tales and jokes, subscribe to The Humor Column today!

Disclaimer: All images are sourced from the web. No copyright infringement intended.

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Top 5 Hilarious Jokes on Batman

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For what reason do we like making Batman jokes? Is it because – regardless of the character being something made for kids – there’s unavoidable obscurity that exemplifies the style, as well as figured out how to spread out through whatever is left of the ordinance?

To such an extent that even the animated arrangement feels darker than consistent youngsters’ modifying? Or on the other hand is it because the idea of a developed man and his more youthful companion circling in tights offers to us in an adolescent and guileless way? Or then again perhaps it’s simply straightforward to make bat-based plays on words. Whatever the reason, we’ve assembled a rundown of our most loved jokes and plays on words in light of our most loved caped crusader. What’s more, indeed, these are the Batman jokes that you merit, and need.

What Happens When Batman Sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises

What Do You Call It When Batman Skips Church?
Christian Bale

When Is Joker Not Plotting A Murder?
When he’s riding his Harley!

What’s The Difference Between Batman & A Robber
Batman can go into a store without Robin!

Batman & Robin Go Camping In The Desert:After setting up their tent and falling asleep,  Batman wakes his faithful friend. “Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Robin replies, “ I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
“Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?”
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
“Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

Did this crack you up well? For more such rib ticklers, subscribe to The Humor Column today!

Source: The Ranker

 

 

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